so long desert.

I missed january 1st by four hours, but this is close enough to a fresh start.

This Christmas break has been a very trying one for me personally. Nothing life threatening, nothing incredibly drastic, but that was the kicker. Nothing happened. I saw friends, which was wonderful, but rather uneventful. I spent time with my family, which was mediocre (highly unusual for me). I had no major plans, and no surprises. It was bland, life was fine, I was just being.

But it was incredibly hard to enjoy life just being. My family was not enjoying each other, little things continued to build, arguments continued to occur. My friends were busy, constantly- which was totally fine for them. just harder on me. An occasional activity would bring me out of the house, but I was just plain blah. All of my good intentions to start working on plans for spring semester were hindered by my computer being eaten by a virus. The few "exciting" options I had been looking forward to were canceled. Just blah. It's been over two months since I first thought about going to Africa, but I haven't heard any clear direction one way or another from the Lord since then. In fact, He has been pretty much silent for over an month. I heard three sermons between November and December about the silence of God- and the importance of waiting that "season" out. The future had a huge cloud over it. I was scared to take any step in any direction. It was far easier to just sit still and wallow, rather than trying to make any decision. Africa? No Africa? Full-time job? Part-time job? Live in Indy? Move elsewhere? All of these questions are huge, and daunting, and alarmingly necessary. I could not, cannot avoid facing what is coming in four months.

I was on the phone with a dear friend last Saturday, talking about how frustrating my break had been and how "the future" seemed to be enjoying torturing me. I was overwhelmed, and it felt really good to have a friend to actually talk to. To have someone not just talk superficially, but honestly and openly- intentionally asking me about how I was doing. We both agreed that digging into the Word and pressing myself to Him even more would only help. I arrived home, excited to start fresh... but by the end of the evening, it had become overwhelmingly frustrating in the house again. I really feel that Satan attacked us that night.

Thankfully, Sunday came and throughout the course of the day, I saw the first few rays of daylight streaming through the clouds. Our family began to acknowledge and communicate- and head in the right direction. I had a few more places to go, the business of life began to pick up. But more than anything, I was seeing little glimmers of His presence throughout my day. On Tuesday, I received two random phone calls- both from companies in another state- offering me jobs. Literally- in less than 2 hours I had been given amazing opportunities. God is amazing.

So anyways, I've gone through a lot this break, despite my best efforts to simply relax and do nothing. Daily, my family is learning how to communicate more effectively and serve one another. I've seen the importance of fellowship and also the importance of being active. I've been through a "silent season" again, and once again been taught the entire way through it.

So bring on the New Year. I am praying that my 2009 would not be in vain. I want to glorify Him and follow Him where He leads me. I want to find contentment in Him wherever I am and regardless of who surrounds me.

Here's to 2009.