recycle.

IWU has been focusing on purity all week. I hesitate to write this post, because I am nervous of how it will be perceived. However, I also have experienced so much freedom in the past week and a half, that I can't deny sharing about the grace that covers me. I have struggled, in so many ways, to be pure: emotionally, physically, spiritually. Even today, before I went to chapel tonight, I spoke with a dear friend about the freedom that I have felt this week from bondage from my past. Am I proud of the mistakes I have made? Of course not. Am I amazed at His hand and His grace that has continually enveloped me? Absolutely. Relationships define so much of who a person is, who he or she becomes. I love relationships. I love being intentional with people. I love, and have an incredible passion for, investing in someone else and growing with them.

And yet, I am realizing more and more just how easily I fall into the trap of letting my relationship with a friend cloud my relationship with God. I become dependent on that person, and begin to rely on them for the qualities that only He will provide. Last week, I closed a door in my life. I let go, and finally gained freedom from an issue I had been wrestling with for quite a while. I feel liberated, so free to do whatever is next. I have almost rediscovered the joys of life. That sounds dramatic, but I don't know how else to explain it. I am once again looking at each day as a new blessing to devote to loving others, while at the same time keeping Him in the center. I can foster healthy relationships and invest in others, but also keep my attention on Him. Am I perfect in doing this? Absolutely not. But when I am able to do it, I feel so much joy.

I was so worried about having my own room and was petrified that I would hole up and never talk to anyone. But it's almost as though the exact opposite has happened. I am being even more intentional about spending time with others, but I look forward to coming back to my room to spend time journalling, reading, etc.

I feel content being me. I enjoy time by myself and look forward to having quiet time. When I am getting ready for bed, I don't have to worry about keeping someone else up with my devotions. I can spend as much time as I want in the Word. That feeling is absolutely liberating! The dear friend that I was talking with tonight said it so well: "It's a different kind of stillness." She understood the significance of my revelation, which must seem so trivial to most.

Okay, and here goes the crazy, weird part- which I am certain will sound so morbid. But I have long felt that my life on the earth is short. Shorter than most? I don't know. But every now and then, there is just a sense of urgency within me. Have I told those around me how much I love them? Do they know how thankful I am for their lives? This joy that has been bubbling inside of me this week, can they see it? Do they understand just how amazing His love really is? This stillness that I have found this semester has brought so much purpose to my life. If I never plan another event, finish another assignment, play another match- I know that the purpose of my life on earth is to love others. To pour His love into them, as He pours into me. And the best part? I know that the more that I seek Him, the more joy He will bring to my life, which I can continue to pass on to others: over and over again.

Oh, and here are some lyrics to a song that I heard tonight that I loved.
It's called "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North.

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go