.bow and arrow.

stupid cupid, he's been picking on me.

its been a good day overall. i have really been able to enjoy those that i am with and be productive. however, i am also finding myself stuck. stuck in this state of waiting. i'm glad that i am here. i'm glad that i am seeing how much i need to depend on God, that it should be complete, full dependency. but when plans change, when the night ends, and when i feel like i am able to just move without being seen-- that gets hard. gosh, i want to be seen. i want to feel important. my pride feels like the elephant in the room. uncomfortable because most people would say that i am depressed when i am, in all honesty, being selfish. i don't want to put myself out there because i don't feel good enough to. i feel misunderstood because i am not heard. not heard because i am too reserved. too reserved because i don't want to put effort into something and get let down again. none of this makes sense. at all.

sorry.. plain and simple? i know that i should be enjoying this day, and loving my true Valentine... because it could be one of the last ones, where He gets my full attention on this day. and yet i am still struggling for recognition, care, and comfort. wake up and smell the coffee. feel the jab- God just struck me with his arrow..